His love found me when i am weak

As written in my previous post, life has been hard for me in searching for God. I so called myself a christian but seemed like there was an emptiness in me that should be filled up by the presence of God in my heart. I was searching n searching, i dun dared to say tht i search but couldnt find him. Was angry, frustrated, sad, and down.

As i was worshipping GOd last night, the Lord spoke to my heart, " hweelin, stop wondering in the desert. Stop doubting about my love for u, stop doubting. This will be the last moment u give up. U need to stand up and walk again." Yea this will be the last time, i wanna stand up again. Life without God is so miserable, i couldn't stand wihout Him. It's utterly meaningless, suffering, and without purpose n light!So what abt getting 4 flat in STPM? getting into U and graduate with extremely good result? getting a high paid job and have 5C like everyone wanted? It wud be meaningless without God in it. If I do all these wihout God's favour on me, my heart wil die. If only i do all these with God's approval n presence, it would flourish n bear fruits.

It striked my heart dearly how much it is God's pleasure to give good things to His children. I tend to think that God is stingy and likes to withhold good things from His people n likes to test n train his ppl all the time. But far from my mentality tht he is actually a God who LOVES to give good things to His ppl. For every test, every training is to mould us to be someone better, for the good of us. For He promised that He knows the plan He has for us; plan to prosper us and not to harm us, plan to give us hope n a future. So whatever lies in future we can be ensured that if we walk in step with Him in obedience, everything suppose to be the best planned for us.

And how easy it is to live! Just live according to what God says. LOL. Jesus came to the world but he didnt do things according to his will but the father's will. He didnt say, " come let us have a revival meeting and build a big church here!" It has been a burden for me concerning my MYF and d ministry i'm in. When I see that things around aint growing the way it SUPPOSE to grow, my heart grow weary, and blamed myself for it. I've much forgotten that I should only do what GOD ASKS OF ME.
I need to remember that everything is supposed to be d0ne outta INTIMACY with God. Wihout God the builder strived in vain.

Sometimes I just wonder why that tho i am a christian,I cant sense God's presence, no strength to do anything, no revelation for ministry, nothing's happening, nothing. Evrything seems so untouched and unfruitful. But guess the L0rd wanna bring me to a place of bankruptcy n brokenness, where I would go back to him and say, " DAd i cant do this, I am just too tired!" And i guess he wud say" I know, daddy's girl, I've been waiting for u to tell me."

And one thing that i really need to get it right; that God loves me for who i am, not becos of the things i could do for him. Not like we humans who sometimes love ppl cos of outward performance o physical appearance, thus had led us to thinking that we need to perform well to gain love fr others, including God. Frankly, I just cant comprehend the philio-love of the Father, when he just long to be with us, his children, just 2 love our presence. To see see us around would be His pleasure. He would enjoy hugging us and tell us how much he love us, his precious sons n daughters. ooo syoknya. LOL..

i really dun wish to be a spiritual orphan, who lacks of the love of the Father. i duwan to noe just the POWER of the LOrd wihout knowing His HEARTBEAT and LOVE. JOHN 14:18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.the Lord promised that He will come to us when we draw near to him JAMES 4:8,10 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you doubled-minded. Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up.

Lots of times what God wants from me is just humility, to seek His face and to have a servanthood heart tht flows outta complete willingness and love towards him.

For we are now sons n daughters of God, live like a prince and a princess, not a spiritual popper. And we could never preach God's love without preaching Jesus, cause he is the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except thru him.

So, come. Come daily to His throne of grace, to bring b4 him our weaknesses, and to confess our sins.

For HIS love found me when i am weak.