end of chapter 2008

ohhhhh~ my previous blog was on august 15, even before the school year started.. and guess what.. Today I am done with this semester! wooohooooo!!!! ^^ Hmmm... just a few more days and it will be my one year anniversary in USA.. Time flies, people change, things have changed too. It has been a nostalgic year for me.

Today i managed to "meet up" with my ex god brother collin.. He was absent from my life for about 6 years.. and I could only say meeting up again with him really brings back lots and lots of memories, even almost tears in my eyes.

This year has been relatively much harder for me. I used to wonder why have adults so many problems, and why are they always troubled by so many things of this world. They should just chill and be like us kids, relax and enjoy life. But I think I've grown up as well, cause i am starting to worry a lot about stuff that only adults would; like where to live, where to get money, food and stuff...

Life for me is like a pilgrimage. I feel like I am not done yet, this is not where I belonged; therefore the things that I do, I do because of obligation. for example, I go to school, do church stuff, go to meetings, because i have to not because i wanted to. I guess i refused to live in the present. it is too harsh. I always look back to the pass, and keep reminisce on the "good" things when i was in high school and stuff.

back to the ex brother Collin, meeting him once again remind me that I have to wake up from my dream. I know that he is not the collin I used to call brother anymore. He has his own life now, and it is without me. No matter what I do; telling him how was our pass and stuff, it just won't work out. That's because those are PASS, it won't happen again. I won't be THAT "spiritual", THAT "smart", THAT "slim", THAT "popular" or whatever again. Thinking about how i used to be "good" won't bring me anywhere. I need to live in the present. (oh ya in psychology we call living in the present and enjoying it as "mindfulness" ^^).

Yea, it's time to go home, and realise that my home isn't the same anymore as well. I have been imagining how good it is to be home; definitely with good food, good sleep, good shopping, good time with famlay and stuff.. But i really need to go home, so that i will realise that it is not as perfect as I've imagined. So that after doing that, I would wake up and really start living my life in US.

I am currently thinking of

raymond sim, adric ang, zhengling, philip, wei qi, sunquan, mommi, collin, sengmeng, tsehwei, teshuen, joanne, mp, dataran, cendol, aunt corina, church piano, popo, papa, grace, joey, aunt nancy, uncle william, aunt waipeng, roy, sarah shin, tina, joy, mao, eeyong, chuin pei, kahyong, teckwei, elsen, sebastian, kienleong, TAMC, HMCC, MGC, chinese calvary church, john, soocheng, mamak stall, roti canai, cendol, my house at tmn asean, kpg 8, pasar malam, facial, cut hair, o chien, satay celup, sufes, dim sum, shah alam, my maid (donno her name =.=), alan, kelvin, tony..

and none of them is still the same.. they moved on in life. Even the o chien moved on in life.

I need to move on as well.

it's gonna be 2009 soon.



very soon



MOVING ON.